Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Jack Bauer Facts

some random Jack Bauer facts i found HERE, i am listing the best ones :) in case you didn't know, Jack Bauer is the main protagonist in 24 (IMDB)

1. Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

2. There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.

3. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

4. Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.

5. Jack Bauer thinks the word mercy just means "quick interrogation."

6. As a child, Jack Bauer taught his dog to play dead...once.

7. Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

8. The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.

9. Jack Bauer definitely loves his daughter; he wouldn't let anyone else who made that many stupid decisions live

10. The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population

11. A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.

12. After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List.

13. If Jack Bauer gives you his word, return it immediately and run

14. Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first (LOL)

15. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men (BEST)

16. When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."

17. In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border

18. ...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."

19. When Special Forces raided an afghan training camp, they found an empty camp and a pirated copy of 24 Season 4

20. Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer! (LMAO)

21. The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.

22. Jack has broken Tony's leg, knocked Curtis out, and shot George Mason with a tranquilizer dart. Temporary incapacitation is Jack Bauer's way of saying, "let's be friends."

23. Osama Bin Laden hides under the covers in his bedroom every Monday night from 9 to 10 and cries.

24. If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer

25. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out

26. When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

27. Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him

28. Jack Bauer can leave a message before the beep

29. Never use the phrase, "I feel half dead," around Jack Bauer; he never leaves a job unfinished.

30. "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm fucked" (ROFLMAO)

31. It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."

32. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars

33. During the 18 months Jack Bauer was believed dead, CTU saved over $1 billion on ammunition.

34. The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"

35. My parents told my little brother and I that Jack Bauer was "just a television character". We are now orphans

36. When Jack Bauer turns on an Xbox the screen just says "You Win" and turns itself off again

37. All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer

38. The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun

39. Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

40. Jack Bauer once went into a bar, and asked for a 'Jack Bauer'. He received three shots of Jack Daniel's, a shot of kerosene and four shots of tequila mixed. When seeing this, another man approached the bar and asked for a Jack Bauer. He got a 9mm round to the face

41. Jack Bauer has shot more men in the face than Elton John

42. The term "jackin off" now means killing 50 terrorists in 2 minutes

43. Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret

44. When terrorists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll get a group discount.

45. There is only one rule for dating Jack Bauer's daughter. Don't.

46. Insurance applications are now required by law to ask: "Are you a friend of Jack Bauer?"

47. Jack Bauer killed the first six 00 agents.

48. 24 would be a mini-series if the rest of CTU just got out of the way and let Jack work

49. Water can only go three days without Jack Bauer

50. If you replace "Jesus" with "Jack Bauer," the Bible makes more sense.

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